


Mirror

by kaypancake



Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: (kinda), Angst, Comfort, Dissociation, Fluff, Friendship, Homesickness, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Is It Angst?, Lee Felix (Stray Kids) Needs a Hug, Lee Felix (Stray Kids)-centric, M/M, Pre Debut Felix, Sleepy Cuddles, Soft Boys
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-03
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:13:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 520
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24522178
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaypancake/pseuds/kaypancake
Summary: Felix was facing the bathroom’s mirror. He looked at himself. Or was it really himself? It didn’t feel like it.
Relationships: Bang Chan/Lee Felix
Comments: 2
Kudos: 94





	Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> I was reminiscing some feelings/memories I had while I was living in australia. And I remembered that one time I didn't recognise myself in the mirror.  
> so here's some pre debut Felix being homesick and tired.  
> And I added the Chanlix moment so that wasn't just sad Felix, you can see it platonically or romantically, doesn't really matter.

It was late at night and everyone was sound asleep in the dorm. Felix was facing the bathroom’s mirror. He looked at himself. Or was it really himself? It didn’t feel like it.

His exhaustion was clear on his face. But he was used to it. To sleep but barely feel rested. His brain always working hard to keep up with everything. His body working even harder to always be better. 

He looked at himself again. And it wasn’t him. He recognised his features, his eyes, his nose, his hair. Everything was familiar but also so ‘not him’. It was indescribable. Like he wasn’t actually in his body. As if the person in the mirror could suddenly take life and leave.

It was weird. But he couldn’t even bring himself to be scared. Just something to add to the endless list of stuff to worry about.

_\- his dancing/vocal/rapping training_  
_\- maintaining his mental health to a manageable level_  
_\- aegyo_  
_\- not being able to recognise himself in a mirror_

He sighed. Homesickness usually didn’t hit in a direct shot. He didn’t _just_ want to go home. It wasn’t a sad longing feeling that took him from time to time. That was the suffocating sensation that took him as he put his uniform to go to school. That was the unfamiliar tension he felt when he was walking in an unknown street. That was the awkwardness and shame he felt when he messed up a sentence in Korean. And sometimes that was just crying after a facetime call with his family or friends.

He was too tired for that. He intensely glanced at that oh so familiar face before getting up.

Felix was heading to his room when he heard the door closed. He knew it was Chan. Only he would still have been out so late. Opening the living room’s door, Chan was indeed there. He looked as exhausted as Felix.

“You still up?” Chan asked, his voice low to not wake anyone up.

He nodded. “Couldn’t sleep.”

Not thinking much, Felix walked to Chan and hugged him. He didn’t talk, he just needed comfort and safety. The older immediately pulled him tighter against his chest, wrapping his arms around Felix’s waist.

“Are you okay?” He whispered.

“Not really.” He whispered. Felix stayed silent for a few seconds, melting against Chan’s torso.

“I’m here for you, okay? Always here for you.”

Felix didn’t really feel better, but at least he wasn’t alone. He knew Chan would always be here for him. He had been there for him since the beginning. “Thank you. Thank you, Chan.”

“Now let’s go to sleep okay? We’re all tired we need some rest.” Felix nodded and let his friend lead him to his room.

Felix lay on his bed. Chan was going to go in his room when Felix grabbed his wrist.

“Can you… Can you stay with me?” Felix’s voice was weak and a bit desperate. Chan just nodded and lied next to him. Again, Felix snuggled against him. He felt safe in his leader’s arms. Chan stroke Felix’s hair until he fell asleep.

**Author's Note:**

> Hope you liked it, don't hesitate to leave a comment or a kudos!
> 
> Here's a [Black Lives Matter ressource carrd](https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/)  
> twitter : [@ nostakay](https://mobile.twitter.com/nostakay)  
> ig : [@ kayillio](https://instagram.com/kayillio?igshid=or9fcckpcn1u)


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